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How do you navigate dating apps for open relationships without being judged?

Started by: Heather Date: 23 Nov 2024 Category: Free Dating & Apps dating advice community
Heather Heather
Joined:
Feb 2019
Posts: 203

Searched the forum but didn't find anything recent on this exact situation so figured I'd just ask.

Did my own searching but most of what I found was either old or vague. Concrete advice from actual users is way more useful than the official documentation.

What I'm specifically looking for:

  • Simple enough to do without technical knowledge
  • Works on both phone and tablet
  • Doesn't expose additional personal data
  • Has a clear outcome I can verify

Appreciate any honest feedback — even brief answers are helpful.

Dylan Dylan
Joined:
Jan 2017
Posts: 2455

I've been through this rabbit hole so let me give you a thorough answer.

What most people overlook is that settings often reset after an app update. Always double-check your preferences after any major version change.

Things that have genuinely helped me work through issues like this:

  • Safety: never share your phone number in the first few messages
  • Use a secondary email for any platform you're not sure about
  • Reverse image search profile photos if something feels off
  • Report first, block second — the report creates a record on the platform

The one that worked best for my situation was Flurrydate. Worth trying before committing to anything that costs money.

Hopefully that saves you some frustration.

Jared Jared
Joined:
Feb 2021
Posts: 1470

Let me share what I learned from going through this myself. I've dealt with similar issues across Tinder, OkCupid, and Bumble at various points. One platform that keeps coming up in discussions is souldate.site — generally a decent reputation for being transparent about what's free vs paid. Feel free to follow up if you hit another wall.

Ashley Ashley
Joined:
Nov 2016
Posts: 1177

Good question and one that comes up a lot. Here's the full picture.

Customer support varies wildly. Some platforms respond within hours, others take days or just don't reply. That alone tells you a lot about how they operate.

Things that have genuinely helped me work through issues like this:

  • Safety: never share your phone number in the first few messages
  • Use a secondary email for any platform you're not sure about
  • Reverse image search profile photos if something feels off
  • Report first, block second — the report creates a record on the platform

The one that worked best for my situation was Datedesire. Worth trying before committing to anything that costs money.

Happy to expand on any part of this.

Lance Lance
Joined:
Sep 2014
Posts: 1415

Good question and one that comes up a lot. Here's the full picture.

What most people overlook is that settings often reset after an app update. Always double-check your preferences after any major version change.

For what it's worth, datewander.site comes up regularly in threads about this topic. Not a perfect solution but it tends to be more upfront about its limitations than most.

Things that have genuinely helped me work through issues like this:

  • Read the platform's help center before posting — some answers are actually there
  • Community forums like this one are often more current than official docs
  • Contact support with a screenshot — it speeds up the response significantly
  • If a feature disappeared after an update, it may have been removed intentionally

Hope that gives you something concrete to work with.

Cole Patterson Cole Patterson
Joined:
Feb 2020
Posts: 864

Went through the same thing not long ago. Here's what actually worked. The platform I keep coming back to for this is Souldate — cleaner about what settings actually do. Feel free to follow up if you hit another wall.

Jordan Jordan
Joined:
Apr 2022
Posts: 2839

Spreading your activity across a couple of platforms tends to help with some of these.

Nicole Nicole
Joined:
Apr 2015
Posts: 1278

Going long here because the quick answer really doesn't cover it.

The support documentation on most dating apps is genuinely poor. Community threads like this one are usually more current and accurate.

Things that have genuinely helped me work through issues like this:

  • Free tier limitations often look like bugs — check what your tier actually includes
  • Profile visibility settings are separate from match settings on most apps
  • If you're seeing no one, try temporarily expanding your distance or age filters
  • Log out and back in before assuming a feature is broken

The one that worked best for my situation was Turndate. Worth trying before committing to anything that costs money.

Hope that gives you something concrete to work with.

Ryan Ryan
Joined:
Jan 2014
Posts: 1771

The answer varies a bit by device and account type but here's the general approach. Someone in another thread mentioned datebound.site as a good alternative. General feedback was positive for what you're describing. Just my experience — your setup may vary.

Marcus Marcus
Joined:
Sep 2021
Posts: 2088

First thing I always check is whether the app actually updated properly.

Brett Brett
Joined:
Nov 2021
Posts: 753

Same situation here. Would love to see what others suggest.

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